He must increase

He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30

Today they call me “Mommy”, but someday they’ll think of me and I will be like a faint song; hopefully a sweet one. They will have their own lives and I will be in the back of their mind.

It’s not about me; it’s about God and them. It’s about how they view God, and how they see themselves. What kinds of things do I need to tell them? How much holier do I need to be so that they can have a good example? How can I get out of the way more so that they can see Jesus?

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. Romans 12:1

Mothering is not easy. It is back-breaking, heart-wrenching work. It has taken over my whole body, and it puts my mind and spirit through the wringer. It is not a 9-5 job that I can quit if I become dissatisfied. I am a mother for the rest of my life, and my heart gets pulled to them every time they send out a distress call, no matter how old my children become.

But this is my “reasonable service”. It is greater than me, and it is too much for me to handle as one human being. Their needs far surpass my abilities to meet them. I am lying daily on the altar and asking God to strip me more of myself so that who He is can reach out to them through me.

Our culture may have changed its mind and decided that mothers and fathers are obsolete, but my children haven’t received that memo. We are still just as important as ever, and raising them right has become our passion and our ministry.

I may never stand at a huge awards ceremony in a sparkling evening gown to accept some brass statue, but I do receive rewards that are intangible every day.

Parenting is not like any other occupation in the whole world. The best parts are in the beginning, and if you miss it then, you can’t grab it back. No matter how you may mourn when they are gone and don’t remember to call, you can’t relive the days when their eyes were big and their hair was downy and soft.

Yesterday I had lunch on our deck with my children. I watched them as they played together. There was tickling and discussion. The littlest girls were the most pleased, and their enthusiasm made our gathering sparkle. The baby sat in her high chair and put more on her face and hands than what got into her stomach, which made us all smile.

To finish off the occasion, we turned up the gas burner on the grill and “burnt” some marshmallows. I don’t believe I’ve had that much fun in a very long time. It was the experience of being with all of them; watching their reactions and their gestures; seeing the happiness on their faces.

I may be “just a mother”, but I know that God’s pleasure is in my work every day. What I do is vital, and I am irreplaceable.

Thank You, Father, for allowing me to be a mother, and blessing me so abundantly in that capacity. Give me the grace to be Your type of mom today—to give correction with love, comfort to their hearts, and point them always to You instead of trying to prove to them that I am capable in myself. If they would give their whole lives to You, I would know that my work has been worthwhile. When I have passed and they can no longer remember the sound of my voice, may Your voice never leave them. Although I need you every second to fulfill the requirements of this mission, I do it for Your kingdom and Your righteousness. Give me the strength of a mighty warrior, and the gentle sweetness of a dove. These are my legacy for You.

In the name of Jesus,

Amen

Do what you love

I have traveled, I have rubbed shoulders with supposedly "intelligent" people who thought they knew a whole lot. I have seen all sides of professional ministry, the good, the bad and the ugly.

But today I am not involved in any of these things--thank God! I spend my time kissing the fat shoulder of my 2 year old and marveling at her cryptic drawings of ladies with bushy hair and huge eyes scribbled with blue crayon.

I watch my 5 year old run round and round with a little friend she makes at the local splash pad, thinking what a grand heart she has towards others.

I sit with my children as we think of silly last names, and then assign them to each other and laugh and laugh, at 6:30 in the morning as we are waking up to begin another day of chores and learning and fun.

And lately I am enjoying whipping up my house to get it ready to sell--getting rid of clutter, rearranging furniture, getting everything simplified and in order. I can't explain how much pleasure it gives me to look at a room once it has been re-engineered, or the satisfaction I feel at all of the bags of things we were able to purge!

This morning our daughter called us at 5:30 as she and her sister are driving out of town to visit their oldest sister, 10 hours away. She talked with me of what she was thinking, and joked with me and shared her life--she thought of calling me, of all the people in the world, and I am so awed with honor that she still wants to include her old mom.

I must be the most blessed woman in the whole world. I get to do what I love to do all day long. I get to love people, I get to be creative, I get to use all of my faculties--my artistic side, my musical side, my love for cooking and creating and even the outdoors.

If course it takes work and sacrifice--of course there are times of frustration and temptations to fretfulness, and these are the reasons why we all have been discouraged from the work I describe here. But I wonder that very few people point out the fact that any vocation carries with it the same negative aspects, that the "careers" we are supposed to pursue are not as dreamy as we have always been lead to believe.

If one looks at housewifery in its most basic form--cleaning and feeding things and people all day long, then it is complete drudgery.

But if one sees it as a challenge--how to take a budget that should only buy baloney and making it stretch to buy roast, or tastefully furnish a home with items from garage sales and thrift stores, or create an atmosphere of love, fun and good memories--then it is the dreamiest job ever conceived!

I just had to share these thoughts--typing with one hand, the other hand cradling my nursing baby, in between bites of French toast and sips of orange juice.

God's blessings on all my fellow "domestic artists"!

Patience has an earache

Even though she is still quite young, Patience is settling into her own little routines. I can now understand her different moods and cries. That is why I knew something was wrong when she seemed more fussy than usual.

It wasn't a tummy ache, and her cries were at measured intervals, which alerted me to the fact she could have an earache. When I tested her neck just under her earlobes and behind her jaw, I felt some little lumps, which confirmed my suspicions.

I called for a "heat pack", which for this infant's ear means a small rag wet with just warmer than body temperature water (no scalding!), placed into a small ziplock with the air squeezed out and held on the sore area. I also readied a bottle of homeopathic ear oil by sticking it in my bra for warming.

Within moments of this simple treatment, Patience was nursing and sighing contentedly, then falling into a deep sleep.

In my earlier years I would have gone to the doctor's office immediately for some amoxicillin, but I have lived through many, many earaches, and have found these remedies usually take care of things without antibiotics. I am sure there are other remedies of which I am unaware, and I am always on the lookout for innovative ways to deal with childhood discomforts. I'm sure many of you could teach us all many things.

Of course I appreciate doctors and medicine (lots of my home remedy tips I have learned from physicians), but even these must be taken with a modicum of moderation.

This is not meant to be used as medical advice, just an anecdote of my dealing with a typical childhood situation.

Some answers

I recently received a thought-provoking comment from a reader and it raised some interesting questions. I don't pay any attention to argumentative comments, but I can understand when someone has honest concerns about such a different lifestyle as many of us live. It is important to have an answer for honest enquiries--"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:"

She writes:

I am concerned by the amount of homsechooling Christian women who are downplaying college now (and many are personal friends or acquaintances). College isn't so much about a life choice, but a needed separation from the parent.

Even though I am a stay-at-home Mom/freelance writer, who is glad to have her children in a Christian school where they can learn to negotiate with other authority figures and peers, I still value my liberal arts education.

College is a recent cultural invention (only since the mid 1800's), and has very little to do with education, at least as it is understood in its true form. Of course, we all know that certain vocations need a degree of some sort, but for the rest of us the type of "liberal" education one receives can be obtained by anyone who is self-motivated to learn. I love the line in Good Will Hunting (beware--that movie is full of expletives) where it is pointed out to a Harvard student he paid thousands of dollars to receive an education that could've been obtained at the cost of a little over a dollar in library fines.

Seriously, if we want to discover things, we just have to look, read, investigate and observe, especially in this "information age". Why do I need to pay tuition and waste hours upon hours learning things I am not interested in and will never use, besides being indoctrinated in rubbish? Then there is the pressure after college to use the degree--especially since I have paid so much for it and might owe in loans I took out to obtain it. Paying back those loans might keep me from being able to stay home with my children in the future--does anyone point this out to young ladies?

Women have always educated themselves in one way or another, long before feeling as though it was their obligation to feel sorry for themselves and fight for their "rights". Stay at home women, whether wives or mothers, have much more time for self-education and improvement--I am just one such example among many!

So many children I know who are homeschooled are quiet and meek and their mother generally does all of the talking for them. I don't think their mothers are even aware of this phenomenon but I have seen it again and again -- even with families with whom we are more familiar and see more often.

Our children are good little people with boundaries but they also have their own ideas. I want to encourage this in their path and if college, or cooking school or truck driving school or farming is in their future, I want to encourage them to be the best person they can be by not limiting their options.

Homeschooling mothers have a tremendous amount of power in ways that I don't think is always beneficial to the child. I also truly question the level of education of many of these children, especially in large families like yours.

It must be understood that all children are influenced to a great extent, it is just a question of who is doing the influencing. It is interesting that the dear reader making this comment takes exception to homeschooling mothers having influence over their own children, but is absolutely in favor of school officials and peers having influence over children, all of whom are strangers and may or may not share in the value of the parents or have the love or care to make them qualified instructors. Believe it or not, public schooled children do not always have their "own ideas", but tend to parrot those of their classmates.

Of course there is good homeschooling instruction and not so good, but public schooling, by definition, is bad. Public education emphasizes knowledge, which puffs up, which is useless in terms of eternity, and especially usefulness by God here on this earth. Even if a child is raised by dullards, he will at least be free from the idea that there is some group of expert authorities out there who know everything and will tell us all how to think and live apart from God and His timeless Word. Wisdom is far superior than knowledge, and the fear of God and appreciation of His family structure is the beginning, middle and end of a true education.

I know one family of eight and their home is constant chaos with no organized way of schooling. I know we are always learning, every one of us, for our entire lives. But children also need structure to grow and learn the basics...and sometimes Momma isn't the one to provide that.

And just how does this reader know that the family of 8 is in constant chaos? Has she lived with them for a number of years? Does she have first-hand experience of how large families work? What qualifies her as a critic of their education--has she done extensive research into what a truly good education looks like, or does she rely on her own experience, impressions and opinions? These are questions that one could ask any person who questions a large family in their homeschooling endeavors.

Just some thoughts as I try to grasp this large-family phenomenon which I'm seeing where we live now in greater numbers. Is it because birth control is considered a bad thing? Seriously, our population has doubled since 1950 in this country alone.

I do believe that "go forth and multiply" was intended for ancient times and with higher death and infant mortality rates when we were in much greater need to populate the Earth.

I know this dear lady is not alone in being brainwashed into having these opinions. Many of us have been as well. First of all, I believe God is in control, and He has never rescended His command to multiply--and He knows how much the earth can handle. Secondly, this opinion is based on misinformation--just check on this link, and you can find a host of others by Googling "overpopulation myth".

Thank you for listening. All of this said I have a lot of respect for what you are doing but HOW are you able to cope? I have two children and can't seem to get enough done in a given day...and they aren't being homeschooled, either.

Best wishes,

Puzzled mother of three

How do I cope? It is impossible to help you completely understand, just as it would be impossible to help a young person who has never been married to understand marriage, or for someone childless to fully understand being a parent.

It isn't as overwhelming as you might think, if you accept the fact you need Jesus, and the power of His Holy Spirit in every moment of the day. The Gospel is like that; full of paradoxes such as in giving you receive, pardoning you are pardoned, and in dying you live. Being a mother, a good mother, of so many children is just a fleshing out of the Gospel. You die to yourself, and then you receive so much. You give up your needs for a relaxed, pastoral life, and you receive joy and rest and all sorts of other happy things like togetherness and play and sing-alongs.

Sure, there is a lot of work, but there is also a lot of help, if the children are trained right. I recently had the privilege of speaking at length with the second in the line of 16 children, now 60 years old. He had a great childhood and enjoyed expounding to me and my husband and children just what a great life it truly was. He emphasized how everyone worked hard in his family, and how times were often lean, but how those lean times strengthened their ties and gave them lessons for living. "It's a wonderful life!" he remarked as we parted.

And it is. It's just a unique life, but not a horribly hard one, unless one is prone already to self-centered ingratitude--then any situation is unbearable. I have these tendencies, too, but the wonderful power of God through Jesus makes it possible for me to be selfless and grateful.

This shows itself in the practical as well--in clean laundry and bathrooms and 3 square meals a day. It shows in math books and learning about how the West was won. It shows in well-behaved children when we go out to shop or eat. It shows when Daddy and I still love to hug and share our deepest dreams and desires with each other in the middle of the night and enjoy the snoring, sleeping children we hear down the hallway.

It's not just coping, it's flourishing.

If one is able to have only 3, it is blessed, even through all of the work and sacrifice, but if God so chooses to give someone 15, then the work may be multiplied, but the blessings are greatly multiplied as well.

Baby play

My daughter knows a lady who owns a number of daycare centers and has seen a lot of babies. She remarked one Sunday at church how very round my grandchildren's heads were, then explained she doesn't see that many babies in her business with round heads--their heads are flat due to laying in bed for long periods of time--not being held or played with.

This morning my dear husband and I were playing with our little baby. We were taking turns talking to her and kissing her, especially on her feet because she is so ticklish there and smiles and snickers, to our great delight!

Daddy asked me, "Who wouldn't want to play with and talk to their precious baby?" to which I replied that people are just so busy these days.

And we are busy. We are busy with our jobs, our hobbies, our volunteering. If we aren't busy, we are sure someone will notice, and what would they think?

How many times has someone called my husband up to invite him to something important--a men's prayer breakfast or something of the like. Of course he loves to be in God's will, to serve the Master in every way he can. But would he give up the chance to minister love to his dear children so that he can look like he's ministering to others?--never.

A long time friend just asked if he would like to be part of an intercessory prayer group this Sunday night--that's three hours out of his day--half hour there and back plus two hours praying. After a 60 hour week, he'd rather spend those three hours in prayer and Bible study with his kids, or maybe even sitting and listening to his 2-year-old describe her dollies, or correcting his older sons so they will treat their sisters with love and respect in preparation for marriage someday. This is every bit as holy in God's sight as sitting down with people and having intercessory prayer, as important as that is.

It is a sad reality around my minister friends. It's not enough to be a good family to them, and they only think I am legitimate because I have a "ministry" through this blog--silly, isn't it? But what brings a black eye to the church these days--isn't it that we are just as bankrupt when it comes to real living in the relationships we call "family"?

So we will be home a little bit more, and we will spend time together, tickling and giggling and sometimes bickering so we can find out what it means to have true love in the midst of conflict.

But we will take time to be a family, to God's glory and for His kingdom.