Dreams in a dump

"Don't you have any dreams?"

It was a question asked by a prying, concerned relative. My children had trouble responding. It was foreign to them to think in such a way.

I used to practice the mantra of this age; have a dream, pursue it, live your life for it, make God agree with you about it.

But none of us lives according to this silliness anymore. We just about ruined our lives and the lives of our children with this rebellious, selfish, futile thinking. Pursuing "dreams" may be popular in church culture, but it is NOT conducive to building Christ-like character.

Christ was not about His dreams, He was about His Father's business. His greatest joy and fulfillment came from surrending His will in favor of the Father's. This is the way to true joy and fulfillment.

Our family verse is Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

That's why this post from Holy Experience was so striking to me. She writes about her heart-wrenching experiences while visiting families who live on the dump in Guatemala City. She is looking for evidences of God, then she finds Him:

We ask them about dreams, do they have dreams for their children?

What are your dreams for your children when you live in a dump? What are your prayers? What is your hope in all this decaying mess? What is His house number? Is the tomb really empty?

I can’t imagine this either, how he’s going to answer. He’s a father living on a garbage heap.

His black eyes circle all of ours.

“It doesn’t matter to us what our children grow up to become or do.” His voice is gentle, certain. I lean forward, praying he will still dream. Please, still pray. Even if…

And he does and the most important of all and I didn’t see it coming.

“All that matters is that they follow the Lord, that they live only for the Lord.”

Where did all this flooding light come from?

My chin wobbles hard and I let’s go. It doesn’t matter what garbage heap you live on, we all recycle only this, this the only dream prayer of all the filthy ragged ones on this circling globe.

If only in America we were so rich with such great piety and faith--but we are poor beggars in comparison.

The truth is, we are all living on a dump, the dump of sinful, filthy humanity, and the devil has used us all up and thrown us away. We are cosmic scroungers surviving on scraps and refuse. If you believe anything more about yourself, you are deceived. Ask God to open your eyes to the reality of your life. Someone once said, "Someone who deserves nothing should be thankful for anything".

We swore off such humanistic, futile thinking some time ago. What does it matter what our goals are? What really matters is what God has for us, and He often doesn't reveal this to us until we need to know--or He shows it to us on the way, or maybe He doesn't share with us at all, and so we trust.

This is the adventure, this is the fulfillment of a lifetime of heart's desires. To walk with God, to attempt to be like Enoch until we are so close--God takes us up...

It all began with library books...

We were planning on going out yesterday to the library, among other places, but first we had to hunt down all the library books.

For the average family this is pretty simple, for our large, homeschooling brood this is a major event. We had checked out 70 books altogether--enough to fill a few large cardboard boxes. When you mix this colossal number with a 6-bedroom, 4-bathroom house, you have quite the treasure hunt!

Well, I am happy to report that we found 69 of the items checked out--just one remains.

It was that one item that caused it all.

Since the children were not being successful in their search, I started looking--under beds and in closets and behind desks...

...and I found more than I bargained for. Since we have been pretty busy the last month or so, I have not been paying as careful attention in my inspections, and it was quite evident! (Especially in the six, eight, and 10 yo's room) there was all sorts of clutter scattered behind and underneath everything--how did I miss so much? Everyday I looked in and saw that the beds were made and the floors cleaned and even took glances under the beds, but I had underestimated the tenacity with which children will find ways not to put things away--in the cracks and crevices of every room.

So...we gave up the idea of going out and "super-cleaned" instead.

I know all about the idea that you are only supposed to spend 15 minutes on an area, but I like to go "whole-hog" and dive in with both feet until completely finished.

We concentrated on the little girls' room and the kitchen, since today we are going to do major grocery shopping.

It took us hours.

I had the middle children tackle the bedroom, and my 17yo daughter and I worked in the kitchen. We rearranged the pantry and cupboards for a more logical work flow (life changes all the time, and so does the work-flow of the kitchen), and scoured all surfaces as we went. It turned out to be a precious time as we put Nancy Campbell's teaching CD's on Beautiful Womanhood in the player while we worked. We hugged a lot and discussed several of the interesting ideas we were listening to as we continued with our tasks.

The middle children learned how to get along--the 12yo daughter learning how to honor the leadership of her 14yo brother, and the brother learning how to guide and lead with love and cheerfulness. My 16yo son had a special time of bonding with the baby as he showed her a good time while we cleaned--afterwards she was still asking for him, and he was beaming with pride and accomplishment.

It was a very satisfying day...

...but we are still searching for number 70...

Faith cures fretting

According to Charles H. Spurgeon,

To fret is to worry, to have the heart-burn, to fume, to become vexed.

A mother calms her son's fears

It is so easy to become stirred-up these days. All one has to do is watch the evening news for five minutes, or read just a few of those email "alerts" to the great slide of mankind. It is enough to rob any mother of her peace of mind.

But we can't afford this. Too much is depending on us. Our children need the security and love only a heart stilled by the voice of God can offer. They need to know they will still have oatmeal and kisses in the morning.

God tells us that in these times we must "Trust in the Lord and do good," (Psalm 37:3a). To this Spurgeon comments, "Faith cures fretting".

The best way to overcome our negative tendencies to obsess over the wrong or the evil is to do the good and wonderful things God has given us.

Such as making sure our homes are places of order and love. I know this doesn't sound particularly inspirational, but this is something women have been doing since time immemorial when things seem rough. I was told when young that the family could always tell when my great-grandmother was working out an issue by how clean the kitchen cupboards were.

My own grandmother told me never to use my own angst to take destructive actions against myself or anyone else. Instead, why not take that energy and use it constructively?

Instead of barking at the loved ones, and hiding in a quart of ice cream, how about organizing those shoes, planning "stations" in the kitchen, sitting down and reading that favorite book to the toddler, complete with different voices and sound effects?

There's just something about concentrating on the constructive, creative, lovely things in our lives that dispels all the darkness in our minds.

And who would need more of this in these times than our own husbands and children. What would speak more volumes of God's care to our dear spouses than a delicious meal made with love, and then some physical attention as desert?

What would make our children feel more comfortable than a mother who is joyfully creative about making each day a feast for the soul--full of smiling expectation for the day.

It doesn't take money to create a home atmosphere that is joyful. It does take a heart turned to heaven, waiting with expectation for the creative ideas to flow.

I once visited a friend who lived in an older part of our community. Her home was a rented tract-house almost identical to the others on the street, yet when I walked in I was breath-taken at the simple loveliness of her decorations. When I questioned her as to whether she might have been formally trained, she assured me all of her expertise was a work of the Holy Spirit as she had prayed. Her furnishings were acquired from all sorts of sources, including garage sales and the like, and it was evident they were put together with wisdom from above.

A woman seeking to be like that of Proverbs 31 doesn't even have to spend a penny to make her home more livable. She just takes what is already in her hand and makes it better--scrubbing, polishing, organizing and rearranging. 

I am more and more convinced that one of the greatest reasons we have been sliding downward this quickly is because women have abandoned this greatest ministry of all; keeping homes "homey"; places of refuge where empty, weary souls can come to be healed and refreshed.

Even if one can only afford a pot of beans, playing some soothing classical music and lighting a few candles can give it the air of a feast. Simple foods are always better for us, anyway!

But if all one can afford is a pot of beans and even these are served up with the salted tears of worry and fretting, life is hateful indeed!

True faith is actively obedient. Doing good is a fine remedy for fretting. There is a joy in holy activity which drives away the rust of discontent. C.H. Spurgeon

Better [is] a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith. (Proverbs 15:17)

All the days of the afflicted [are] evil: but he that is of a merry heart [hath] a continual feast. (Proverbs 15:15)

Mass Enforcement

I once watched an intriguing documentary about life in China sometime during the end of the Cold War. Among other subjects showcased, one was how enforcement of the "one child policy" was being carried out.


One Chinese couple had dared defy the government's edict and the wife was carrying their second child. The couple was not hauled off to jail, their home was not confiscated. Instead, all their relatives and other people from their community came over numerous times to lecture these expectant parents mercilessly. I thought about how very hard it would have been to undergo such treatment and not cave in (compliance), especially in a culture in which honor and respect are so very important.


After reading a number of accounts of the defectors from Communism, it seems that this method is actually a preferred one. If someone starts thinking "free" thoughts, use the group to pummel them emotionally until they can't stand the strain and have to give in.


Sometimes I feel too wierd for words.


The decisions we have made, which have profoundly affected the way we live, were not capricious.


First, when we became Christians, it was with our whole hearts. We didn't have all the answers, but we knew we tired of, and most sincerely didn't want our own way, and so we earnestly sought His.


Sometimes it was a lovely thing, sometimes it was like the mess a tiny child makes when first trying to feed himself.


But after many years of studying, seeking, and listening, we began to know without a doubt that God wanted us to take "the road less traveled" in most areas of our lives.


The blessings of such decisions have been multitudinous; we have enjoyed sweet fellowship with God and each other that would not have been possible otherwise. We have seen the hand of God move many times. We have been given glimpses into God's eternal purposes as they are imperfectly played out here on earth.


But sometimes we experience the feelings of that poor couple in China. Relatives, friends, church members, the media, the whole culture tries to keep us living in constant tension. We aren't being hauled off to jail, and our home is not directly threatened, but we still experience the continued onslaught.


I did a really dumb thing the other night.


Since our internet has been restored, I took a little bit of time trying to look up some relatives and old chums on Facebook. The world was rolling on for all of them, the roaring of time could be heard as they were all riding the waves of popularity--all the "friends" and "friends of friends" and pictures of themselves, and sharing every time they stubbed their toes or to yip, yip over getting to work on time--it sort of made me wonder how anyone could have time for actual living while paying attention to all this trivia. It was like the sictom Seinfeld in real life--much ado about nothing.


Then I wondered if our whole American society wasn't being run like high school. We have the "popular" folks, and cheerleaders, and the "pep squad" and the "glee club" and it is all about "school spirit" and little trifles about how we are doing all the "popular" things (without considering why we are doing them, and, more importantly, to what ultimate end).


It's all about "getting along" and being "nice", but not holiness, or self-discipline or anything that could resemble serious, consequential inward reflection.


We are all being led down the deep abyss, but doing cheers and clapping loudly (for what--we are not really sure) all the while inescapably sinking deeper into the darkness.


So I am standing in the sun on the ledge, and here beside me are many others--Fenilon, Tozer, ten Boom, Madame Guyon, Francis Shaefer and many like you who have refused to race headlong into destruction.


We were all made for relationship. We were all meant for sweet, intimate communion; for laughing together and crying together and just living together, but with the underlying knowledge that life is grave, that what we think on will determine what we, in due course, will become, "bad company corrupting good morals".


To walk closely to Christ, to be a "friend of God" is more important than gaining a million friends on facebook or anywhere else for that matter.


My dear, dear son is seriously committed to Jesus. His life is from God, in no uncertain terms. When he was a young man and at home, he began to feel a need for having a friend or two, but he would not compromise his walk with God just to have any old relationship. While being kind and generous to all, he was looking for some honest companionship based upon mutual agreement.


Because He trusted, God blessed him with two other young men who were also committed Christians, and even into their adult lives they are great friends who encourage each other and spur each other on to faith and godliness.


Sometimes when I do a little looking on the Internet I get strengthened. I can find the fellowship there I am missing in my current surroundings. Instead of focussing on how silly I might look to others, I realize how very privileged I truly am.


It is just this; I am not going back, and I am not giving up, and through it all--I am blessed beyond blessing with the sweet comforts of the Holy Spirit--how precious to be held in His arms at times when my heart is to faint to walk on any farther.

Pusillanimous

Somehow this word, "pusillanimous" has been part of my thought processes lately.

The definition is "lacking courage and resolution: marked by contemptible timidity".

Is that what we have become, this "body of believers" here in the U.S.? We have all the books one would ever need, all the teaching, seminars and music, but we still don't have what it takes to be His witnesses--we lack the "heart".

I'm not talking about getting together and spending an hour on a Saturday evening passing out leaflets to people we may never meet again--that's not hard or serious, it is "flashy" and fleshy and almost useless unless God has specifically ordained it.

I haven't found too many modern movies that are impacting to me; most of them are about "pusillanimous" characters who are more concerned about missing a sports game than about anything of consequence. But I recently discovered an exception; a picture called, "Taking Chance" starring Kevin Bacon. It is the story of a Marine Colonel who volunteers to accompany the body of a valiant fellow Marine who gave his life to save his comrades in Iraq.

The honor and dedication portrayed in this movie was not only moving, but convicting. I have been so used to the mockery we have made of anything honoring or respectful in our country; from anti-war protests at funerals, to gay-pride parades, and even movies that debase the innocence of infancy. This movie was full of pause, quietness, reflection, and respect. Kevin Bacon's character even spent a night in a warehouse so that the body of this fallen Marine would never be left unaccompanied. He went all the way, though he had never met this soldier, and even met with his family and friends to listen intently as they began to open up to each other about the life and the loss of this brave young man.

Where are we, Church? Where is our honor? Where is our dedication? We can't even spend 15 minutes in prayer, much less tarry. We don't know anything about honor or sacrifice, we don't even appreciate the sacrifices of those who have gone before us--we produce Bibles that look like magazines to "lure" our young people into reading them. We can't handle the slightest upset without counseling and consulting with our peers, who are just as without honor and dedication as we are.

We don't hear the voice of God, because we don't want to make the sacrifice. We want it sweet and with perks. We want it like others, or so others will envy us, so that we can be spiritual and still "fit in".

We won't live Biblically because we don't even know what the Bible says; just what someone else says the Bible says. Finding out for oneself is not just a "good idea", it is a requirement, and hearing God's voice is not just an option, it is vital to the life of all true believers.

As mothers, we must not live just a "good life", we need to lead a sanctified, set-apart, Spirit-led existence. We cannot play the game of "Christian", we must be serious, grave, dedicated to living out what we believe no matter what the cost.

It would seem a life dedicated to taking care of one's family and being a devoted Christian are mutually exclusive, but they are not.

It is universally accepted that we make time for those things which we feel are important to us. We diligently work to re-engineer, negotiate and prioritize so that those things will be included, no matter how hard it may be to accomplish. God is the Lord of the clock, yet He is outside of time, and is therefore capable, as Author and Finisher, of making a way for us to become His honorable, respectable and worthy witnesses.

Haven't we lost enough yet? Are we not ready to scrap our foolish, shallowness for His profundity and holy selflessness?

When I was a young mother, with 6, 8 and under, I found a way. I dedicated myself to training my children to behave for a "quiet time" daily, and I took advantage of that time, even if the laundry wasn't quite done. I trusted God that the other hours of my day would be more productive if I gave Him the time He needed to speak to me. In all those years the Lord provided me with enough energy and creativity to keep a clean house and to become the spirit of my hearth and home more than if I had spent every moment slaving--and I never had to neglect or disrespect my dear husband in order to accomplish my quiet time each day. Psalm 127 says, "For lo He giveth His beloved sleep"--without His building, our homes are only facades.

Satan is not a gentleman; he is waiting for just a fraction of a moment when the wall is breached to make an inroad and come into our homes to "steal, kill and destroy". And even if he were not so vigilant, our own sinful natures and that of other family members is enough to bring discord. We need to walk circumspectly in order to make every moment count for Christ and bring every thought captive to His lordship.

And not only that--there are plenty of distractions that steal and waste our time. "Hold time" on the phone could be used for prayer. Sitting in the car at the bank drive-through or store parking lot could give us some additional Bible study time. I love meditating and praying while rocking a nursing, sleeping baby. That quiet in the morning before the family rouses can become precious moments in His presence, even if one is lying sandwiched between Daddy and sleeping baby, as I so often am.

During the onslaught of Hurricane Isabelle, everyone was evacuating Washington D.C. except for the soldiers that guarded the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Though they were given permission to stand down they chose rather to persevere in their duties in frigidly soaked uniforms, enduring gale force winds and pelting rain, they faithfully stood their posts as their counterparts had done 24/7 since the 1930's.

May God forgive us, and may He grant us new hearts fashioned with a burning desire for His kingdom, and may we live worthy of those which have given everything to serve and please Him.

All bound up and no place to go

God is enough. 2 Peter 1:3 tells us of His sufficiency for our every need and concern:

According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue.

It has recently come to my attention that the book "Boundaries" is making the rounds in Christian circles. I even found one of these tomes had been snuck into our library, so, after receiving some reactionary reactions from otherwise loving individuals, I read some of it, and came away rather sickened by the blatant misuse of scripture, lack of expression of the power and leading of the Holy Spirit, and wonder at how such a book could be called "Christian" at all!
 
Of course, if one is not very abreast at what the Bible actually espouses, it would be easy to be misled. The ideas presented are very appealing to the flesh--it even boasts to be the way to "take control of your life" on the cover--but my understanding of Biblical doctrine is to lose one's life, to be controlled by the precious Holy Spirit:

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.  Romans 8:14

Per usual, this (as someone else has labeled it) psycho-heretical book gets one looking inward instead of upward. The Bible is full of boundaries, full of reasons we should say "no", but they are not the self-centered ones touted by this book; one would be for the glory of God and to escape temptation, another would be the protection of innocents (children). Nobility and self-sacrifice should be behind the difficult decisions we must make, not a desire to have our own way. I predict much unhappiness will be the result of the implementation of these humanistic, flesh-inspired ideals.
 
This book would never sell among the Apostles (I can imagine the scathing review Paul would have had for it), and I can't imagine our brothers and sisters suffering for Christ around the world to giving it even the slightest consideration (instead of worrying about being "too compliant", they are wetting the floor with their tears and cries of deep self-denying repentance).
 
I don't know about you, but everytime I have looked to human psychology to help me with the problems of life I have come away bound-up with selfishness and in graver despair than before. On the other hand, giving myself up to God to be used-up has caused me great peace and joy. One reviewer I read actually admitted to finally being happy because her tendencies toward being selfish had been legitimized (Christianized).
 
Consider 1 Peter 2: 11-25:

Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;

Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.

Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;

Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.

For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men; as free, and not using your liberty for a cloke of maliciousness, but as the servants of God.

 Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king.

Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.

For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.

For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.

For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:

Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:

Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.

Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.

My advice--avoid this book, caution others against it, don't allow your children to read it. Remember the counsel of Colossians 2:8 which clearly states, "Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ."