Mommy's toolbox--Life with all little kids

Having fun with the children.

I have received a lot of questions of late as to the "how's" of living successfully with a lot of tiny children. 

I well remember those times. For instance, in 1990, I had five children, the oldest seven years old, and in 1994, I had eight children, the oldest 11.

These times were times of stripping--when I had nothing left of my own strength and resourcefulness. Very little of plans or schedules can come off smoothly with tiny children. They cry at the wrong times, and spill things, and need help in the potty room, and get into all sorts of things, and on and on and on....

But it was so good for me. I had to learn to make a list every day--but it wasn't a "to do"list, it was a prayer list. "Lord, with Your strength and by the might of Your Spirit, help me to accomplish what You want for me today, remind me of those things I might forget in my distractedness, lead me and guide me".

And I had to learn to enjoy my children for just who and where they were in their development. I had to learn to live life in the moment and forget the pressures of having a clean house, etc., as I surrendered these things up to God. Along the way He gave me some good ideas and helped me to fashion things to suit my situation.

Not all of these things will apply, but they might help someone in one area or another who is struggling:

• I practiced "The Herding Principle"--I kept the kids close to me wherever I was during the day. This kept me connected to them, and disciplined me to keep my focus on them and not to become caught up into "projects", etc. In giving my attention to them, they acted better because they didn't have to act up to get that attention.

• I cleaned the living room and upstairs in the morning, then shut off that part of the house for the remainder of the day--the children were not allowed to go into every room and make messes everywhere--just where we were together. This did so much for my own state of mind, as I love order and cleanliness, and even if the rest of the house was disheveled, and the children were all cranky, I could look at my neat living room and sigh a sigh of relief!

• I cleaned the kitchen every night before I went to bed so that I awoke to a clean kitchen every morning--what a boost!

• I kept our breakfasts simple--two choices of breakfast we alternated on every morning. I also stayed away from breakfast cereals which would cause us to feel bad a few hours later--the only cereals which seem OK are home made granola, grape nuts, and whole wheat biscuits. When my children were little I was able to buy Jiffy bran muffin mix ( I can't seem to find it anymore) and we would have that with orange slices every day. I also kept our lunches easy--PB J's with Ramen soup or kidney beans and brown rice. Dinner was a little more substantial--but Daddy is a simple eater, so dinner was never extravagant, either. The children were well satisfied with simple things and never complained (and I wouldn't have allowed them to). Snacks were graham crackers or fruit.

• I limited my going out--once-a-month grocery shopping, errands only on one day a week, no gallivanting around with friends.

• I limited my time on the phone (no Internet back then!). I needed some adult conversation, and so I did not eliminate it altogether, but whenever I got on the phone, things would fall apart. The Internet is the same way--it is a good tool for the mother at home, but it must be kept in perspective and used sparingly!

• Toys--these were kept either in one bedroom or in a room set apart for them. They were not allowed out in the general living areas to make a continual messy eyesore of the house. One thing I could have done better, which I do now, is to keep special toys in a cupboard for those times when I have to do something and the little ones need to be kept busy. I have found Melissa and Doug toys at Ross' Dress for Less and only take them out when I need them--lace up toys, wooden puzzles, etc. They are always put back neatly and saved for the next session.

• Learning time--I learned from a friend to keep Tupperware in a bottom cupboard in the kitchen for young "explorers" to pull out and play with. Giving little children their own "school books" also helps. Reading the tiniest ones a story before starting with the older ones gives them the attention they need so that they can play quietly with the feeling Mommy has connected with them. I also have learned not to begin formal learning too soon--I have learned to wait until the oldest child is truly ready, etc.

• A safe place to play outside is also quite helpful. Having a fenced yard with a swing or two and a place to dig will give a child hours of fun, safe, healthy play and give Mom a chance to vacuum, wash dishes, pay bills, etc. in peace.

• I practiced a daily "quiet time"--time for me to read the Word and get my batteries charged up, time for me to rest and catch up on my sleep so that I was refreshed when Daddy got home. I had to be creative in enforcing this at times--I can remember lying on the floor in the room of reluctant nappers with an implement of correction in one hand, a baby to the breast, and my open Bible in the other as I attempted to train some children, nurse and read the Word at the same time!

• I did not allow myself to use the TV, video games, etc. as my babysitters. I felt as though these strategies would later backfire on me and give me children who were damaged and unruly. I was willing to go through a little inconvenience in the short-term to reap a greater reward of children with better attention spans who were not conditioned to expect constant outside stimulation.

• I practiced enjoying my children and appreciating them. I would not allow myself "gripe times"--and I did not hang around women who encouraged negative talk concerning children. I had fun and got on their level. I practiced thankfulness instead of self-pity.

• I acted cheerful, even if I didn't feel cheerful. It won't seem fun at first, but you might be surprised at how your act will turn into reality!

• I learned not to take the annoyances of life out on my children--be steady on the outside no matter what was going on on the inside. Our mood affects the atmosphere of our home.

• Be silly, act goofy and laugh at the absurdities of life. Enjoy the cuteness of childhood to its fullest!

• I had to remember that my home is always a work in progress--especially when I am decluttering, something else is being neglected. I don't stress over it--but lay even this at the foot of the cross and learn to embrace it and live with it.

• A home is there to serve the people, not the other way around, but also if the people do not learn to keep the home, it will cease to be able to serve the people--I keep this in mind as I have learned to trust God to help me prioritize my day.

Timothy, Grace and Nicole, together.

And these days do not last forever. My children have all grown older, and each in turn blessed me in many ways as I saw them blossom and become great helpers to me--cleaning, fixing things, making meals, doing the wash, being watchers of the other little ones as they came along. The underlying principles I learned early on still help as my life has broadened and become busy in other ways.

 

God never ignores us when we cry out to Him for help, and He loves it when we lean on Him completely--it just takes complete trust in His care and belief He has our best at heart.

Praying you are blessed today!