Some answers

I recently received a thought-provoking comment from a reader and it raised some interesting questions. I don't pay any attention to argumentative comments, but I can understand when someone has honest concerns about such a different lifestyle as many of us live. It is important to have an answer for honest enquiries--"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:"

She writes:

I am concerned by the amount of homsechooling Christian women who are downplaying college now (and many are personal friends or acquaintances). College isn't so much about a life choice, but a needed separation from the parent.

Even though I am a stay-at-home Mom/freelance writer, who is glad to have her children in a Christian school where they can learn to negotiate with other authority figures and peers, I still value my liberal arts education.

College is a recent cultural invention (only since the mid 1800's), and has very little to do with education, at least as it is understood in its true form. Of course, we all know that certain vocations need a degree of some sort, but for the rest of us the type of "liberal" education one receives can be obtained by anyone who is self-motivated to learn. I love the line in Good Will Hunting (beware--that movie is full of expletives) where it is pointed out to a Harvard student he paid thousands of dollars to receive an education that could've been obtained at the cost of a little over a dollar in library fines.

Seriously, if we want to discover things, we just have to look, read, investigate and observe, especially in this "information age". Why do I need to pay tuition and waste hours upon hours learning things I am not interested in and will never use, besides being indoctrinated in rubbish? Then there is the pressure after college to use the degree--especially since I have paid so much for it and might owe in loans I took out to obtain it. Paying back those loans might keep me from being able to stay home with my children in the future--does anyone point this out to young ladies?

Women have always educated themselves in one way or another, long before feeling as though it was their obligation to feel sorry for themselves and fight for their "rights". Stay at home women, whether wives or mothers, have much more time for self-education and improvement--I am just one such example among many!

So many children I know who are homeschooled are quiet and meek and their mother generally does all of the talking for them. I don't think their mothers are even aware of this phenomenon but I have seen it again and again -- even with families with whom we are more familiar and see more often.

Our children are good little people with boundaries but they also have their own ideas. I want to encourage this in their path and if college, or cooking school or truck driving school or farming is in their future, I want to encourage them to be the best person they can be by not limiting their options.

Homeschooling mothers have a tremendous amount of power in ways that I don't think is always beneficial to the child. I also truly question the level of education of many of these children, especially in large families like yours.

It must be understood that all children are influenced to a great extent, it is just a question of who is doing the influencing. It is interesting that the dear reader making this comment takes exception to homeschooling mothers having influence over their own children, but is absolutely in favor of school officials and peers having influence over children, all of whom are strangers and may or may not share in the value of the parents or have the love or care to make them qualified instructors. Believe it or not, public schooled children do not always have their "own ideas", but tend to parrot those of their classmates.

Of course there is good homeschooling instruction and not so good, but public schooling, by definition, is bad. Public education emphasizes knowledge, which puffs up, which is useless in terms of eternity, and especially usefulness by God here on this earth. Even if a child is raised by dullards, he will at least be free from the idea that there is some group of expert authorities out there who know everything and will tell us all how to think and live apart from God and His timeless Word. Wisdom is far superior than knowledge, and the fear of God and appreciation of His family structure is the beginning, middle and end of a true education.

I know one family of eight and their home is constant chaos with no organized way of schooling. I know we are always learning, every one of us, for our entire lives. But children also need structure to grow and learn the basics...and sometimes Momma isn't the one to provide that.

And just how does this reader know that the family of 8 is in constant chaos? Has she lived with them for a number of years? Does she have first-hand experience of how large families work? What qualifies her as a critic of their education--has she done extensive research into what a truly good education looks like, or does she rely on her own experience, impressions and opinions? These are questions that one could ask any person who questions a large family in their homeschooling endeavors.

Just some thoughts as I try to grasp this large-family phenomenon which I'm seeing where we live now in greater numbers. Is it because birth control is considered a bad thing? Seriously, our population has doubled since 1950 in this country alone.

I do believe that "go forth and multiply" was intended for ancient times and with higher death and infant mortality rates when we were in much greater need to populate the Earth.

I know this dear lady is not alone in being brainwashed into having these opinions. Many of us have been as well. First of all, I believe God is in control, and He has never rescended His command to multiply--and He knows how much the earth can handle. Secondly, this opinion is based on misinformation--just check on this link, and you can find a host of others by Googling "overpopulation myth".

Thank you for listening. All of this said I have a lot of respect for what you are doing but HOW are you able to cope? I have two children and can't seem to get enough done in a given day...and they aren't being homeschooled, either.

Best wishes,

Puzzled mother of three

How do I cope? It is impossible to help you completely understand, just as it would be impossible to help a young person who has never been married to understand marriage, or for someone childless to fully understand being a parent.

It isn't as overwhelming as you might think, if you accept the fact you need Jesus, and the power of His Holy Spirit in every moment of the day. The Gospel is like that; full of paradoxes such as in giving you receive, pardoning you are pardoned, and in dying you live. Being a mother, a good mother, of so many children is just a fleshing out of the Gospel. You die to yourself, and then you receive so much. You give up your needs for a relaxed, pastoral life, and you receive joy and rest and all sorts of other happy things like togetherness and play and sing-alongs.

Sure, there is a lot of work, but there is also a lot of help, if the children are trained right. I recently had the privilege of speaking at length with the second in the line of 16 children, now 60 years old. He had a great childhood and enjoyed expounding to me and my husband and children just what a great life it truly was. He emphasized how everyone worked hard in his family, and how times were often lean, but how those lean times strengthened their ties and gave them lessons for living. "It's a wonderful life!" he remarked as we parted.

And it is. It's just a unique life, but not a horribly hard one, unless one is prone already to self-centered ingratitude--then any situation is unbearable. I have these tendencies, too, but the wonderful power of God through Jesus makes it possible for me to be selfless and grateful.

This shows itself in the practical as well--in clean laundry and bathrooms and 3 square meals a day. It shows in math books and learning about how the West was won. It shows in well-behaved children when we go out to shop or eat. It shows when Daddy and I still love to hug and share our deepest dreams and desires with each other in the middle of the night and enjoy the snoring, sleeping children we hear down the hallway.

It's not just coping, it's flourishing.

If one is able to have only 3, it is blessed, even through all of the work and sacrifice, but if God so chooses to give someone 15, then the work may be multiplied, but the blessings are greatly multiplied as well.