Home-wrecking 101

I loved my gramma.

She was a fascinating story-teller, and having lived through the Great Depression and WWII gave her a lot of material from which to draw.

She worked nights, so when I was too sick to go to day care or school, I spent the day at Gramma's. She would find such interesting and engaging things for me to do--such as giving me a box full of scraps, a pair of scissors, and some needle and thread and allowing me to "dress" my Barbie dolls.

Gramma taught me how to sew, to embroider, and to crochet. She taught me how important it is to be well read, and she was the only person I remember emphasizing the reading of "the classics"; handing me a Nathanial Hawthorne novel and instructing me to underline and look up the words I did not understand.

But Gramma taught me other good lessons--mostly from the negative way that she lived.

Along with the wonderful histories, there were the horrible ones. She shared freely all sorts of things that I should never have heard--about her first husband, and then her second. There were so many reasons for Gramma to be bitter--so many reasons why men should never be trusted, although she never came right out and said it.

But Gramma was no radical feminist--nosiree Bob! She was against the ERA of the 70's, and believed that women should be home taking care of the house and children--but it was just that there weren't any true men around that were capable enough to be the protectors/providers that were required.

Grampa certainly was not qualified. She ran him down in his presence during every visit. He wasn't good with money, didn't know how to get a good job, wasn't good with children, was imbicilic and couldn't concentrate well, etc. Whenever we went out to dinner with other guests, she critiqued him afterwards--his manners and what sorts of things he shared. When they were out driving, she reprimanded how he turned, or signaled, etc. (she herself was too terrified of driving to own a driver's license). I remember her lecturing him as she was cooking in the kitchen, and him sitting at the kitchen table, his chin propped in his hand, and soundly asleep.

In his later years, she took him to the doctor for hearing loss. His hearing was fine, the doctor informed her, he just had a "concentration problem"--in other words, it wasn't that he didn't hear her, it was that he had become so used to letting what she said go in one ear and out the other that he had ceased to pay much attention at all. And I couldn't blame him.

As a young mother without transportation during the day to take my children to appointments, etc., Gramma put the then retired Grampa to the task of ferrying me around. During these times I got to know Grampa for who he really was--an intelligent, capable man with a huge, loyal heart. I found out just what a great story-teller he was as well--and he told me about the war, and his first marriage, and all sorts of things that were locked up inside him that Gramma never deemed valuable enough to be shared.

The saddest of all things was that, after he died, I made a little dedication to him on my computer. In it I included a reference to his time spent at Guadal Canal--something that he had spent a few hours describing to me. Gramma hated it--she kept insisting that he was never there. After all of the years they spent together, she never really got to know or appreciate him. She was so comfortable with the box she had shaped for him that she determined never to release him--even in the minds of others.

Gramma left her own legacy. The daughters she raised have lived up to her standards. The men in their lives are also imbicilic, and often "abusers", simply because they just aren't women! If there is anything they have been taught, it is how to tear up a man, and a home. Here are some of the basic principles of the home-wrecking process:

• Above all else, one's happiness and security are of the greatest importance.
• Religion is fine, it its place, but God expects us to take care of ourselves.
• If a woman gets out of line, a simple apology should suffice, but if a man makes a mistake, make sure that he pays for it over, and over again.
  
• Since men are stupid, and women are so intuitively wise, they need us to constantly arbiter their lives--they require constant critiqueing and correcting.
  
• Men are not good at correcting and understanding children. The children need their mother to step in and come to their aid whenever Father corrects them.
• Keep a man on a short leash--use affection, or the lack of it, to force them to comply.
  
• Scrutinize his every move, word and action. Always attach the most negative connotation to everything he says and does. Allow your imagination to run wild with how heinous his intentions trully are. Expect him to be unfaithful.
• If a man begins to react to your unrealistic and abusive treatment, you must shake your head and say, "I knew it all along--his true character is showing!"
• Although men should be infinitely patient with wives that cannot cook, clean or understand them, men should be perfect from the first day of marriage, and if they aren't, they should be regarded as defective for the duration of the marriage, although that usually isn't very long.
• Don't allow men to handle money, and if you do and they make a mistake, throw a fit about it and rub it in their faces. After all, money is your security! (remember--one's happiness and security are important above all else, and God expects us to take care of ourselves).
• To assuage your own conscience, allow him a few typically manly things--such as watching a football game, or giving him a pocket knife, or a fishing trip. Then make sure that he owes you for your "indulgence".
• Nag him for not being a spiritual leader, then berate him for not having a good understanding of spiritual matters, at least not likethe wonderful understanding of spiritual matters that you have attained (or the pastor does, or the other men in the congregation do).
• If he gets in the way of your plans for happiness, get along with your own life and simply ignore him. If he complains, tell him he is weak.
  

The results of this process are mixed; on the one hand, your fleshly dreams will be realized. You will either have a man that gives up and leaves you, in which case you can claim that you were the victim and that he was simply "no good", or you can create a woman-man, one that is afraid of you and complies with your every whim.

On the other hand, the end of the process leaves you with a self-created mental illness. Women who follow the above prescription are egotistical, arrogant and dishonest. They are bewildered that other people don't want to spend much time with them, so they use manipulation techniques on others as well. Their whole view of life is skewed--simply because we all desperately need men to keep us from the foibles inherent in our gender. These women are woefully insecure and suspicious of everything in life. Often, they do not exhibit natural affection and concern--they become soulless beings.

Without men, we are only one half of the coin. Like a child sitting on a teeter-totter, we need another to sit on the opposite end.

If we truly give our lives to Christ--we will not suffer this fate. We will live as though dead, carrying our crosses. We will follow the example of Jesus.

Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;

Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.

Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;

Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.

For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:

As free, and not using your liberty for a cloke of maliciousness, but as the servants of God.

Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king.

Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.

For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.

For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.

For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:

Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:

Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. 1 Peter 2:11-25, and 3:1-6

Trust God implicitly, keep it honest, keep it humble.

Sherry