Creating contentment

There's a horrible idea that circles round and round in our heads--"fairness".

When I grew up, one of the most important doctrines I was taught was that things had to be "fair". If Sister had a ball, then I had to have a ball. If Sister went to the zoo, then I was promised a special trip.

The adults in my life spent considerable time making sure that no one worked harder than anyone else, or was corrected more than someone else, or was complimented more than someone else.

This led to a feeling of entitlement. I had to have what others had, or it was not "fair". I couldn't do more chores or help out more than someone else, because that wasn't "fair". I daren't volunteer my own self to help out more because I would be doing more than someone else.

And in marriage the "fairness doctrine" can be devastating. Why should I help him--I've already been working all day cleaning the house. He only has to go to work, while I must take care of these babies all day. When he comes home, he should help me to make things fair".

As I became a student of the Bible, it came to my attention that this utterly important concept of fairness was rarely mentioned. I can honestly say, after a thorough examination of the doctrines of scripture, that fairness is not one of them.

In God's view, justice ranks far above fairness. As my kids like to say, "God is just, not fair".

It's like the pie principle. When my older girls were young and at home, they often would take care of their little bit of chores and then go into their own worlds, balking when anything more was asked of them, since they had already done "their part" and it wasn't fair to ask anything else of them, especially if someone else was available. I explained to them that they only saw their one piece of pie, but I saw the whole, and if I asked them to do something, it was because I saw how it would affect the whole pie, not just their little piece.

And this is the difference between us and God. We look at our lives as a little slice of the pie--what we have and what is expected of us. But God looks at the whole--how each part is intricately affected by and affects the others. From our view, He is often unfair, but from His view He is ultimately just in His omniscience.

It is of utmost importance that the children in our homes learn this. Especially in large families, they need to understand that not everyone will receive the same treatment at all times, but that all will be loved and given what they need when they need it, not just for their own sakes, but for the sake of the whole family.

Practically speaking, this means that when Brother gets to go on a fishing trip, everyone else is happy for him and helps him to have a good time, rather than allowing the other children to sulk and complain that they don't get to go. It is explained that, if we are happy for someone else when they receive a special favor, they will be happy for us when we ourselves are given a special blessing. Also, it all evens out in the end.

Sometimes a child who doesn't even like fishing and would rather stay home and play piano will be upset, and so when the other sibling goes off on the trip, he sits and sulks instead of spending the time having fun playing the piano! Isn't this so much like our sinful selves!

Jesus had to deal with this in His own disciples. When they quarreled over who would be the greatest in the Kingdom, He said, "He who is the greatest must become the servant of all." And later, when He was about to be translated into Heaven and a disciple asked Him about another disciple's fate, Jesus said to Him, "What is that to you? You follow Me."

A show recently aired that explored what people's reactions were in various situations. A scenario was created in a supermarket in which a customer(an actor) asks to cut in front of someone in line for the cashier because he only has a few items. As the actor is being waited on, he is informed that he is the five-millionth customer, and therefore has won $500. The person that allowed him to cut in front of him in line is then filmed close-up for any reaction. Most of the people in this situation reacted negatively, since they would have otherwise been the reipients of this award--with one woman exclaiming specifically, "It just isn't fair," over and over again. But there was one patron who was actually happy for the other actor/patron. When asked why she wasn't disappointed, she said, "Oh, I'm just happy for him. I'll get blessed another way." How refreshing and faith-filled!

If we raise up children who are over-concerned with everything being "even", we will create people who have are stingy-minded and self-centered. They will be the ones that vote in more Socialism--since the government will make sure that things are distributed "fairly"--what a snare!

But if we encourage our children not to have side-glances at others, but to look to the One who is just and promises to take care of us like He cares for the lilies of the field and the birds of the air, they will grow into people of character who give their lives for causes greater than themselves. They will have content hearts, and will live more joyful and happy lives, no matter what the circumstances.

For more meditation on this subject, read Psalm 37.