It was 22 years ago that I had a two-year-old, a one-year-old and one on the way. We lived with our daddy in a basement apartment with no windows. To get us into the sunshine and fresh air, we would walk to my grandmother's house and visit.
It was obvious that many felt sorry for me, or did they think that I was "touched". I didn't even know anything about being "quiverfull" at that time, I just knew that I enjoyed my babies immensely and loved being with them--I had already lived in a "man's world" in the US Army and knew I didn't belong there. I belonged at home, humble as it was.
My grandmother looked at me and, in her mind, I was "trapped" being the mother of preschoolers. In her misguided kindness, she offered to use my great-grandmother's wedding rings (which are today worth $11,000) to pay for me to be "sterilized".
I was honestly taken aback. She told me, "Just think of what it would be like to be free." I thought to myself, "Free from what?" I couldn't even consider taking her offer. I may have been poor, but my children made me rich beyond measure.
Then the other day I was enjoying watching my tiny girls play, the sun filtering through the window of their playroom and highlighting the fuzzy head of the baby. They were so scrumptious that I wanted to eat them. It occurred to me that, here I was, a 43 year-old grandmother, who was still immersed in the joy of motherhood. I'm on the verge of being "free" from childhood--and I don't look forward to it!
The charms that little children bring into our lives cannot be duplicated in any synthetic way. They are spontaneously affectionate, unalterably optimistic, and refreshingly unpretentious. Everything that is "old hat" to adults is new and exciting to a child. They make hard work, illness and wasted time, not only bearable, but enjoyable.
A child will not allow you to stay in the rut of your own "comfort zone", but will draw you out and make you grow in ways that you may not like at first, but will add to your life and your years and make you a better person.
While I was enjoying my little children the Lord reminded me of something both ironic and significant:
After my grandmother passed away and all of her earthly belongings were sifted through, what do you suppose found their way to me?--the very rings that were to be used to pay for my "sterilization"!
And where are they today?--on the finger of my daughter--who already has 2 children with plans to have more. She calls me daily to tell me just how scrumptious and delightful they are to her. In her eyes, motherhood is FREEDOM!
He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. Psalm 113:9
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
True freedom
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24 comments:
Beautiful post! Thank you! And, I know exactly what you mean by wanting to just "eat" your children! A friend and I were just discussing that (though our husbands couldn't really understand that desire - 'must be a Mama thing!).
Hi, I've been reading over your archives for several days now and have been blessed beyond measure! Thank you for writing and sharing on what it means to walk with the Lord, on the joy of motherhood, and the blessings of making our homes a place of rest and refreshment. A 45 year old mother of 7.....Jennifer
Absolutely beautifully said, mama!! Long ago, a dear friend at La Leche League told me that she always uses the term 'tied together' when speaking of her nursing babies, instead of 'tied down'. I loved it! So much of our joy depends on accepting God's vision for us and then changing our attitude to match up! We can either growl at the clock when we are woken up AGAIN at night, or we can look at the sweet baby in our arms, his beautiful face in the moonlight - just the two of us together and realize how very, very short these days are. :)
Thank you for this beautiful post. Although God has not given me a family of my own yet, I look forward with anticipation to the day when I, too, have many sweet babies of my own. My heart aches for the people who do not see the "freedom" found in motherhood (although at one time I thought the same way). It is encouraging to me to hear someone else's joy in motherhood as it help me keep my focus where it should be!
Dear Sheila,
I don't think that "eating" your children is only for mamas--my dad, my husband, and my boys have expressed the same feelings to me. I don't know where the sensation comes from, but I know that it is fun! I wonder if God looks at us like that sometimes--after all, He is more loving than we are!
Jennifer--nice to hear from another "mature mama"!
Christine--I love that term "tied together". Nursing does slow you down to enjoy your baby more--have you ever read the poem by Edgar Guest entitled "Tied Down"? It's on the internet--you would like it--I might just post it.
Tricia--I was raised a feminist in a matriarchal family (my pastor, who is a very conservative man and would never jump to crazy conclusions) has called it "Jezebel". You are so blessed to begin your life with a solid understanding of the blessedness of Biblical womanhood--I pray that you become more strengthened and encouraged as your life progresses, and that someday you are blessed with a family of your own.
Sherry
This is a really beautiful, encouraging post. I love how you say you want to "eat your scrumptious little babies up". That's always how I feel with our babies, too! I wonder if you have always been such a joyful mama? I feel pretty overwhelmed often with my 7, and at 36, may have more! I often wonder if I will eventually get to the point where you are- content, joyful, with so many willing helpers :) I would be encouraged to hear of your struggles when you had "only" 7. . .
My grandmother was my stanchest defender and ally. She let me bring all of the kiddies to her house and she never minded when they messed things up. She listened to me on bad days and gave me wise advise and loving council. She celebrated with me on good days. I miss her (she went to the Lord Nov 2006) and I appreciate you reminding me to thank God today for the wonderful woman that he put in my life.
Sharon
What a wonderful post! My mother begged me for years to have my tubes tied...and we were only blessed with four children. When I finally did (a decision made for health reasons, that I regret now.)she was gleeful, and it hurt my feelings so much. I don't understand why the world doesn't see what blessings these children are.
Oh gosh.... people can be so MEAN without even realising it....! When I was pregnant with my daughter (I was 19, but mind you.. happily married, and she was very wanted!) EVERYONE around here asked whether I would or would not 'have it taken care of'.. ohhhhh goodness.. can you imagine?
Even the doctor! I went to get the pregnancy test and that was the first question: "so.. will you keep it?".. Then along came my mother, who thought I was 'way too young'.. a best friend saying 'ohh Jesus, not what?!' and THE MIDWIFE asking how I could possibly take care of a little one, now I hadn't got a job (the fact that I had a loving husband who worked for us didn't even occur her mind! - she just labeled me as the so manieth little girl who 'got herself' pregnant)
Well you know.... did we prove everyone wrong ;) hehe.. with the help of the Lord we now have one of the most well-behaved and wisest (bragging about your kids is allowed, right?) little girls around. And of course, everyone who opted for an abortion now loves her....
btw. 'eating kids' is a perfectly normal, acceptable phrase in italy.. my family there uses it all the time.. men and women alike ;)
greetings from the netherlands! - where, unfortunately, abortion is concideres a 'great solution' for pregnant young women.. :(
Children are a blessing.... It's so sad to me that society wants the blessing of land and fortune, but not children.
I think that my family would probably give their right arm for me to become sterile, too. Not my dh and my my children, but my parents.
http://tonsofsons.wordpress.com/
I love your post! I am 40 and pregnant with my 11th baby. I am blessed to have wonderful friends that support me and a wonderful sister. Our parents are less than understanding on our love of children therefore I am always apprehensive in telling them that we are pregnant "yet again". I appreciate your joyful posts on motherhood and womanhood.
God Bless
Steph in CT
Hello, here another reaction from the Netherlands.
I love your blog, it gives me real joy and help sometimes! I stoped working eleven years ago, when our second child was born. This was an unaceptable thing in our society. People told me that our kids will be spoild, it would be bad for their development and I would get crazy with only little ones arround me... But I knew it was good, and so did my husband, and I stopped working.
Then my freedom came! What a beautiful and joyfull live I have now!! Always bussy of cource (four kids now) but no more stress. Always company of a little todler, wich gives me such great joy, and even our older children, they exactly know how to get bounded with somebody.. This is so important! I am sure that all four of them will become wonderfull papa's and mama's. Hopefully they can fight societys rules too...
Thank you , mama lieveheersbeestje.
Hi Sherry, I just had to comment again as I saw that my sister commented!! (Momto10sofar) (Hey sis!) We were talking about different blogs we had been enjoying and she said that she had been reading about someone who had 14 children & their youngest was about the age of sis's youngest. I said--I've been reading someone's blog that has.....etc, etc! It was yours! he he You've encouraged 2 Moms here in CT!! Thank you. Jennifer (mom to 7)
I just found your site from Elizabeth Foss, and your post brought tears to my eyes. My kids are all young...six, four, three, and almost a year. I have struggled immensly with being a mother to babies and preschoolers and often felt "trapped". I let the worlds view of "freedom" tell me that my family was holding me down, and often struggled with my vocation as a mother. But recently, the Lord has been softening my heart, and if I could have more kids, I would. I hope to (I have all c-sections with my kids and there were delivery complications). I can't thank you enough for this post. My kids are making me go outside of myself, and I am ever so grateful for it.
I wou!ld really like you to talk about after 10 or 12 year old...when they can get into anything...cigarette alcohol or even drugs...I love littje ones I am just like you...but adolescence can be so hard...how do you live this???
I have you on my bloglines, so I read, but haven't been on your blog for awhile. I was so touched by this post, that I HAD to take a moment to comment. Your wonderful post has me in tears. Amen & amen!
You two sisters are so blessed! How wonderful to have you to encourage and share with each other.
Nicole: I must tell you that children do not always get into drugs and alcohol--the ingredient that makes this possible is parental involvement--developing familial relationships as a priority--above and beyond all other friendships. Peer dependence is the road to destruction, in my humble opinion and experience. Even if you don't homeschool your children, take the time necessary to make your relationship a priority!
I will post more on this soon.
It is not that it happened to mine, but I feel this period is really challenging and exhausting...
I am lucky to have 5 very good young adults (22 to 27).they have been comfronted to school and peers and nastiness...I believe having a mother at home, waitting for them, talking with them was very important and still is...
In france people often go back to work when the kids are around 10 ou 12...I ended up feeling that as the time went bye it was even more important to be at home!!!
I was brouht up in a very protected surrounding, but went to school. Even like that I have the feeling I had to learn alot about how people could be, the reality of life...as an adult
It wasn't always easy for me and I wonder how it was possible to keep us so much from lifes realities...perhaps because we had no television???The radio was on a classical programm...(we lived in a christian communautie, meeting tones of people, an open house...but even so....)
I really tried to allow my children to be children and not "little adults", I am so pleased to see that they take to a friend's partie a bottle of coke and not wine like other kids...their values are so much more simple!
My question comes from the fact that I found that period very tiring not phisycally but mentally...then they need to find a job and be ready to leave the nest... daughters falling in love...
I feel small babies and young children is bliss...and so easy...
I am glad because I really have savoured being a mom...
Thank you for your post! What a blessing to me..as a mother of 5. I too have heard things no one should hear regarding the number of children my husband and I have. YOur post was refreshing to me! Thank you. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/kimalita
I found you through the blog awards and I'm so glad I did! Wow, I just loved this. Thank you so much. I currently have four, 5 and under, and am 26 years old. I just know that your blog is going to be a great source of encouragement for me.
Jennifer
whoa. I'm giving a speech on true freedom and I googled it and got this. wow.
I had to let you know, that this post really touched me today. My husband and I have just reached the decision to give our childbearing over to The Lord, and we have #5 on the way now... being a "weirdo" in the world's eyes has never meant so much to us both... we love being blessed by these wonderful GIFTS from the Lord. Thank you for sharing!
Jen
I just found your blog via the quiverfull blogroll. Oh, how it has blessed me! Especially this post, because it voices my own heart for motherhood! I am the mother of 7 children(6 by birth, one by adoption) and one on the way. We have only been parents for 9 years :). We also have 7 waiting in Heaven for us. It is so encouraging to see other mother's whose hearts are turned towards their homes! May He continue to bless you!
Blessings,
Tina
Today is my birthday, I am 40. I was pumping gas this morning and when I got back in the car my 2yr old son said "We're going to sing Happy Birthday to You" and he and my six year old daughter did just that. When they finished he said "Where's the cake!" It made my day!!! Especially since these two of my children are my precious adopted daughter from foster care and he's my foster son. My motto for today is that everyone should turn 40 with a two year old! I haven't even thought about the age milestone. I'm so delighted with my thoughtful, loving husband who cherishes me and my five beautiful chidlren!
Vanda
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